Friday, March 25, 2011

India, Pakistan, Mothers, Sisters and Sachin

When in January people said the Cricket World Cup is coming to India, I nodded and said good4uenjoy:) Argentina had been humiliated last year when Germany beat them black and blue in the FIFA world cup and cricket was this irritating game with square legs and short covers. But little by little, as every colleague tuned in to cricinfo to stream the matches and effectively killed the office internet, I got into the game. The point of this post is to declare my love for the wicket, willow and the..er..cherry. Also to tell you of those special things and moments that have made me like this game so much.


Family values:
Never before have mothers and sisters in the subcontinent been shown such admiration and remembered with such gusto. On March 30, 2011, Indians and Pakistanis on both side of the border will partake in a 100 over long discussion about the women in their opponent's families. Familial relationships with the opposite sex, irrespective of age, whether living or dead, will be closely analyzed and the analysis presented before close up cameras that would repeatedly play the loops before news channels take over the job. Commonly used in forms of teri bhen di [respectfully your sister's] or teri ma ki [respectfully your mother's] these words have so far made no impression on the non-Asian cricketing nations. They have all probably decided to assume that screaming "Banjo!" every time Indians get a wicket is simply a way to appease their craving for all things song and dance.

Employee Motivation Research:
One day, inshallah, I will start my own business. Businesses have employees. Employees need motivation. Therefore if one learns how to motivate employees to work when an India vs Australia match is going on then finito. Khatam Baat. Barkhaas Biryani. You will monopolize HR and blitz Payroll. The experiment was thus begun with gusto but quickly forgotten when the subjects all fell sick just before the match started. However, another important point was discovered. When India beat Australia, the sensex went up 430 points. DESPITE NOBODY WORKING. This means our economy is awesome, we screw it up by working. Man was born to laze. Hence proved.

Subraminyam, Almooniyam:
To be honest, it was this ad. Subramaniyam, almooniyum, ye deewar, ye saara sansaar struck a deep chord within me and in order to catch it playing loud and clear I decided to watch the match. In between waiting for the ad to reappear, and in order to keep myself awake during Saurav Ganguly's commentary {a better entertainer with the bat he was} I began to watch the balls being bowled and was hooked. The latent patriotism gene was re-awoken and immediately Yuvraj Singh scored a 100. When God wants you to believe He sends you a sign. Sometimes through an ad for a mobile phone. Thank you Spice. May your phones sell well.

Because, banjo, this one is for Sachin:
1,000,000,000. That's how many Indians are out there. And the rate at which we procreate it must have gone up by a couple hundred mill since. Add another 1/2 billion between the rest of the cricket world. Approx 1,500,000,000. That's how many people know Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. He is making history. We are a small part of it. Watch the show. Ask no questions. Whatever happens, applaud. If you do not understand the scope of the word 'genius' watch him.

Kamran Akmal:
I LOVE this guy. He holds a special place in every Indian heart. Every time he drops a catch we cheer. Evertime he cowers under Shahid bhai's glare a benign smile spreads across the face of the opposition. As soon as he retires, he should be sent on diplomatic missions by Pakistan to countries they really need to set things right with. Read: India. We would love to have him here. If he continues his stellar performance in Foreign Affairs and continues to serve our interests then maybe we will all have peace.

Cricket is a battle between bat and ball, noted Sunil Gavaskar, astonishing Englishmen who had invented it as an excuse to grow mustaches. But heck, the deeper you get into it, the more there is to it.

Game on

2 comments:

Dipika said...

You're back!! Loved it. Its funny, and proves you've not lost what it takes inspite of long exposure to one Sailesh.

Write more. I am inspired to revisit my neglected blog.

Salahuddin said...

You made my day :) And yeah, you should write!